Crosby's Kitchen & CocktailThird Party Candidate 2016: Phil (Filthy!) Thomas

With the slogan “Keep America Clean: Vote Filthy”, Clown Shoes has launched a campaign to get Phil into the White House, even if only to use the bathroom there. Phil owns a higher IQ than John Travolta in Phenomenon, has perfected more dance moves than Beyoncé, breaks more concrete slabs with his forehead than Chuck Norris in his prime, surfs ninety foot waves on a longboard, and he can sing with greater sweetness than angelic choir boys pouring their hearts out as they render Ave Maria.